What gets injured in relationship gets healed in relationship.

Because we are wounded in relationship; we are only healed in relationship. 

The reason secure and connective relationships make all the difference is this: relational ruptures sever our sense of attachment to someone important to us.  We experience sensations of abandonment, shame and dread when we lose connections that matter to us. Our body's alarm system can become hypervigilent; ever-watching for the next shoe to drop.

Therefore, since the damage occurred in relationship; it must be healed through relationship.  Attachment and healthy bonding (or re-bonding) comes through relationship; relationship with others who are safe, present, and attuned to our emotional needs.

An interesting phenomenon occurred during WWII with the children of London, as German bombers showered explosive ordinance over London's dark skies:

Studies conducted during WWII in England showed that children who lived in London during the Blitz and were sent away to the countryside for protection against German bombing raids fared much worse than children who remained with their parents and endured nights in bomb shelters and frightening images of destroyed buildings and dead people." 1

Children leaving London during the Blitz. Courtesy, Daily Mail.com; "Seventy years on, two-thousand children who fled the Blitz meet again." By P. Harris and B. Hale

The greater loss was experienced by those children sent away from their most meaningful attachments; their families.  Surprisingly, enduring raid sirens, images of bombed-out buildings and corpses was a lesser loss than losing the safety of their parents' presence.

Adults also experience wounding when they lose a sense of attachment and connection with those they love.  Below is a video demonstrating the soothing power of connection for adults who learn to connect well. Dr. Susan Johnson is a pioneer in the field of Emotional Focused Couples Therapy.  Here, she presents an experiment done with a couple who are her clients:

"Our attachment bonds are our greatest protection against threat."  2
Secure relationships become a safe haven for us. 
......................................................................

Resources to consider:

Books:

How to Argue So that Your Spouse Listens, by Dr. Sharon May

Created for Connection, by Dr. Sue Johnson and Kenneth Sanderfer

Anatomy of the Soul, by Dr. Curt Thompson

Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You, by Dr. E. James Wilder; et al.

Websites:

Joy Starts Here/Life Model Works website

The Center for Being Known

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Sources:

1.  The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk; p. 212

2.  The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk; p. 212

Your stories: recovering from religious shame

This is Meredith's story of recovery from shame, and how she found freedom in the truth that her heart was made good and noble when she met Jesus:

Meredith's story:

Before I completely understood my good heart I often felt badly about myself and I didn't know why. In churches I was viewed as someone who was very flawed.  I left church on Sundays feeling burdened and tired. This feeling spilled into every corner of my life and I couldn't understand why it was. I knew I was a good person but didn't understand why I felt the way I did.

Church was a hostile environment and I left because the pressure to conform and perform was too much and it felt like I was missing something. In church I was criticized for the way I dress, although relatively modest, and even for wearing red lipstick. I was treated with suspicion and was excluded for that and other things. Things didn't make sense and I felt alone.

 

Learning about my good and noble heart put a name to the bad feelings I had. It helped to to recognize the teaching that I had heard for so long and that had impacted me so badly. As I understood what Jim teaches more deeply I was freed from the burden of feeling like I was not good enough and that suspicion that I have encountered in churches. My self-esteem has improved and I feel genuine joy in freedom in understanding the true message of Christ and the truth of who I am.  I am free from hostile judgment and burdens and most importantly I am healed from that old belief!

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This is Amy's story of how an introvert experienced the hyper-drive, push and pressure environment all too common in performance-based churches:

Amy's story  [how an introvert experienced "church":

My story is going to focus more on the extra difficulties that introverts encounter in today's performance-based religious institutions. The ones I ended up in, largely by default, were big, showy, noisy environments. The ones who looked the happiest, sang the loudest, had their hands up highest and prayed the most 'spiritual' sounding prayers were lauded as 'spiritual leaders.'


Unfortunately, for years all I got was the message that I wasn't good enough. The church institutions I was involved were all well-propped up by natural achievers who thrived on always doing more. I often encountered teachings and articles written by blazing extroverts that said do more, work harder, run faster, keep up the good walk for Jesus! Remember, He's keeping your scorecard and you want to hear Him say, Well done, good and faithful servant! You don't want to be one of the ones that hears, Depart from me, I never knew you!

This type of religious environment cuts especially deep with introverts. We tend to be more sensitive by nature, and more deeply internalize the arrows hurled at us by the enemy, who unfortunately finds his job all to easy to do through the hands of often well-meaning religious leaders. We also find it more difficult to find a place to belong in the midst of the frenetic activity and performance of today's average church institution.

So these years left me with so much shame that I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown until years later, I finally began doing some serious internet research and found better answers. Jim's book was one of the tools that God used to show me how many poisonous lies with a "Christian" label that I had been fed. Thankfully, one book I have greatly benefited from is "Introvert Power" by Laurie Helgoe.

I am not "all the way healed" but it is a journey. I am so much healthier and more whole than I ever was during the days I was being told that my heart was not good and that there was always one more thing I had to do to try and earn God's favor. Now I am creating my own space and my own ways to be an introvert IN Christ, not an extrovert always doing things 'for' Him. I ponder. I create. I write. I work on and share music.  I connect more closely with others one-on-one however I can, one of the things I do best. I do things for others that are uniquely me, but were never valued by the institution. I am learning that being an introvert the way God made me is just fine, and there may be reasons for it that I haven't even discovered yet.

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SHARE YOUR STORY:  If you'd like to share your story here with others about recovering from "bad heart" messages and the  discovery that your new Christ-shaped heart is good and noble, send me an EMAIL

GET JIM'S BOOK:  To read more stories of people who were shamed under a "bad heart" or "wandering heart" message, you can also read my book, "RECOVER YOUR GOOD HEART." 

It's about connecting, not control.

What if, rather than ask,

"How can I get this person to do what I want them to do," we asked,

"How can I connect with this person?"

Getting people [including our spouse or kids] to comply with our rigid expectations will inevitably lead to controlling them. 

Control always leads to shame. 
Why?

Because the one doing the controlling [expecting compliance] assumes it's their right to do so.  It sets the two parties on unequal footing.  The receiving person's dignity is seen as dispensable.

Are expectations a good thing?  Yes.  To live without them is to live without values and to assume our own dignity is indispensable. 

But demanding compliance at the cost of another person's heart isn't acceptable.  God himself is gracious with latitude:  He allows, even welcomes, self-will - the capacity to make uncoerced choices without the threat of disappointing him.

It's helpful to ask:  "Does the person's heart matter more to me than their behavior?"

The controlling dynamic centers around "IF...THEN..."

"If you do this, I'll be happy with you.  If you don't meet my expectations, I'll be disappointed with you."

"If you comply with my expectations, I will reward you.  If not, you'll suffer the consequences."

THIS IS NOT THE GOSPEL.  Instead, God says, "I will bless you on your worst day."

A better way

Jim Collins, author of "Good to Great" and other leadership books, offers an alternative:

1.  "Lead with questions, not answers."

2.  "Engage in dialogue and debate, not coercion."

3.  "Conduct autopsies, without blame."

I would add a couple others:

• "Give feedback about failed expectations as information, not condemnation."  [remove the emotional sting]


• "Put the heart of the other person first.  Worry about behavior later."

It's about connecting, not compliance.

Is the message of the 'good and noble heart' a new teaching?

The idea that we have a good and noble heart now because of Christ's work in us comes from the classic Christian doctrine called, "regeneration."  It was even forecast in the Old Testament when God declared:

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you."  [Ezekiel 36:26]

This is not a new teaching; but rather, one we've largely ignored in contemporary Christianity.

J.I. Packer, whom Time magazine listed as one of the top 25 most influential evangelicals in America, describes our regeneration as, “the spiritual change wrought in the heart of man by the Holy Spirit in which his/her inherently sinful nature is changed so that he/she can respond to God in Faith, and live in accordance with His will (Matt. 19:28; John 3:3,5,7; Titus 3:5). It extends to the whole nature of man, altering his governing disposition, illuminating his mind, freeing his will, and renewing his nature.”

He goes on to say that, “The regenerate man has forever ceased to be the man he was; his old life is over and a new life has begun; he is a new creature in Christ, buried with him out of reach of condemnation and raised with him into a new life of righteousness.” (See Rom. 6:3-11; II Cor. 5:17; Col. 3:9-11)

[In my book, Recover Your Good Heart, you can read quotes from preachers of old such as Jonathan Edwards, Andrew Murray and Martin Luther who also confirm the supernatural goodness of our new nature.]

The fruit of the Spirit isn't something you must beg for.

Just like the armor of God being an already inward reality and powersource for the Christian [rather than something you don't yet have and need to put on], so is the 'fruit of the Spirit.' 

Don't we typically ask God for more love, more patience for so-and-so, more self-control to keep us from sin?  We ask as if it hasn't already been given. 

If the Spirit of God is not only happy to dwell in your heart; but has, in fact, re-created and equipped it with his own love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, might a better pray be: 

"Lord release the kindness that is already there in my heart."  Or,

"Father, nourish and help me live from the patience you've already placed in my new heart."

What do you think?

The armor of God is not something you wear.

We tend to think of the armor of God as something you put on, external pieces of battle gear that you wear on the outside to protect the life inside:

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

In this passage, even the words "put on," take up," and "take" could imply protecting yourself with something you lack or don't yet have, and therefore must "put on."

But what if the armor and its protection extends from the inside - out, rather than outside - in?  Wouldn't that make sense, given the reality of our new and noble heart?

So what does that look like?

1. You already have the Truth moving within you, having permanently given his heart and mind  to you.


2. You've already been transfigured into the righteous radiance of Christ's own goodness.


3. You're already poised to bring the restoring shalom ["peace"] of Christ to others around you.


4. Jesus has already given you the settled and faithful confidence he has in the Father.


5. You've been rescued and renewed by the saving life of God.


6. The mind and heart of Christ, voicing his affection for you and counseling your heart, dwells within you richly.

 We can certainly "put on" or practice or rehearse the armor of God, remembering what we've already been given.  But the armor is an internal powerhouse:  The power and protection move from the inside - out.

Why God became ruined

"A story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it."  - Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years - What I Learned While Editing My Life

God is also a character in a Story. However, even though he is its author, though he could write a less painful part for himself, he subjects himself to the story.     He's in fact, the hero, the protagonist.  If he doesn't come through, then you don't get to live.  So what does God have to overcome in order to get what he's after? 

First of all, what exactly is he after? 
He's after the total and supernatural re-making of each person -- which means he has to rescue their hearts.  Rescue the heart and you rescue the person.  Only restored persons are able to live well in a restored habitat.  God is after the thorough remaking of all living things, so that they may receive his affection and direct, unfiltered Life. 

“This world is a great sculptor’s shop.  We are the statues and there is a rumor going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life.”  - C.S. Lewis

This has already been done.  The Great Lion, Aslan, by the stirring of his own breath, has released those bound in stone into his own immortality.  Sodom and Gomorrah has been reversed.  This is the gift of salvation.

Second, what does God overcome to get it?
The unintended consequences of his Beloved's freedom. The unintended consequences of his Beloved's freedom.

He has to enter into conflict with his own creation's ruinous affliction and overcome it.  He ties the millstone around his own neck. He goes down with the ship.  Because he is truly free, he discards his own freedom by becoming ruined himself [God "became sin for us"], turning the human heart back towards his affection. He gave the Christian her new and noble heart, so that she could return to God with all her heart.

"A story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it."

Danger: Exhortation that ignores the new heart

Much of what passes for the “gospel” these days is a message of exhortation without regeneration—preaching that excludes the New Covenant reality of a transformed heart. (Or more accurately, preaching that is grossly unaware of this transformation having already occurred.)

The message of exhortation translated today says, “You’re not doing enough of this; or you’re doing too much of that:” “You’re too selfish, not committed to your marriage, not serving enough …”

Exhortation becomes an attempt to manage (or manipulate) people’s behavior by pressure and guilt, rather than urging them to release the good stored up in their heart through Christ’s work in them.  Exhortation leans toward the 'not-enough' and 'not yet' rather than relentlessly pursuing the  supernaturally-pure heart Jesus has already given us at our conversion.

[Excerpted from my book: Recover Your Good Heart -- Living Free from Religious Guilt and the Shame of Not Good-Enough.]

Good and also becoming good

How can Christians be both already good, and becoming good?  Here are two verses that lay this out for us:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Cor. 5:17)   (Here, there’s a sense of finality. Our goodness is a settled fact.)

But Scripture also show us the ever-increasing process of becoming good …

“ For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge...and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1: 4-8)

(In this verse, we have a sense of Christ’s character developing in us with growing measure, over time.)

As I learn to live from my new and supernaturally-good heart, I mature in the goodness that God has already given me. That goodness may be as yet not expressed, but nevertheless still present in me. Discipleship is the process by which I enjoy and continue to express an already-present holiness and wholeness within me.

God is committed to your splendor

What if God couldn't keep quiet about you?  Eager to show you off -- to expose not your sin; but your splendor and goodness? 

Your glory is God's mission.  Listen to what he says:

¹ For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
       for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
       till her righteousness shines out like the dawn,
       her salvation like a blazing torch.

 ² The nations will see your righteousness,
       and all kings your glory;
       you will be called by a new name
       that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

³ You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
       a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

 ⁴ No longer will they call you Deserted,
       or name your land Desolate.
       But you will be called Hephzibah, [my delight is in her]
       and your land Beulah [married] ;
       for the LORD will take delight in you,
       and your land will be married.

 ⁵ As a young man marries a maiden,
       so will your sons marry you;
       as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
       so will your God rejoice over you.

Isaiah 62:1-5

Let him do this.  It's quite possibly backwards from what you've been taught your whole life.  Give him permission to show you off.

Restoration is better than 'acceptance' alone...

A Mountain Search and Rescue unit gets a call that a climber has fallen on Mt. Hood, near Portland Oregon.  The climber's pick axe failed to grab when he attempted to lodge it into a unstable pocket of ice.  There was nothing to stop his fall.  Other climbers found the body, mangled and barely alive, one-thousand feet down from where he started to slide.

When the mountain rescue unit got there, multiple bones were shattered, including the spine, and the climber was bleeding from his ears and nose.   Rescue workers knelt near the bleeding body and spoke reassuringly to it:  "We accept you." 

And then they did nothing else.  To comfort the climber, they again offered, "We accept you.  You are loved and safe now."  But nothing else was done - no attempt to discern the man's vitals or assess his awareness of surroundings.  No attempt to stabilize and transport the body. 

Only, "You are loved and accepted.  It's o.k. now."

..................................................................................................
O.k., so I made up the story to demonstrate something.  It is not enough for Christians to see themselves as merely loved and accepted by God's grace.  That's a beautiful thing; but it won't restore a person or give them back the capacity to live well -- There was great damage that needed healing.

God is smarter than that.  He restores us by equipping us with a new and noble heart so that we can relate well, live well, and enjoy this new grace we've been given.  Anything less would be as cruel as the clearly shallow and insufficient 'hope' the mountain rescue unit offered the dying climber. 

What have you been taught about 'grace' and 'acceptance.'  Was it enough?

Being 'accepted' by God isn't enough.

One of the members of The Good and Noble Heart community I moderate asked a great question.  The core of her question goes to real the offer of Jesus.  Here's her question:

What exactly did Jesus accomplish for us? I really believe that He brought us to a place of being able to be with the Father, unrestricted and free. That's how I life my everyday life with Him. But I really don't know how to see myself...am I really good now and therefore can go to the Father, or still the same old me, but completely accepted through Christ's dying on the cross, and that being accepted as I am gives me the hope and strength to be able then to change.

Her confusion is understandable and common to many Christians:  Am I merely accepted by Jesus (which is a beautiful thing in itself) but am still essentially the same person I was before I met him; or did he do something to me -- making me truly good and pure of heart? 

The trouble with seeing ourselves as only forgiven and accepted is that is doesn't solve the root problem -- a diseased and fatally-incapacitated heart.  If Jesus were to 'accept' us without giving us the capacity to love and relate well to him, we would not be able to live or love as he did -- unable to fulfill the command to "love God with all your heart...."  It would be a cruel and unfair expectation on God's part. 

Further, we would be debilitatated and diminished in our capacity to love others:  "Love one another as I have loved you." You can't love like Jesus unless you have his heart.  And that's exactly why his offer includes acceptance ... and a gloriously new heart.

The salvation Jesus offers is a rescue of the heart. It has to be.  There is no loving and living well without a reborn, alive and supernaturally-vibrant heart. 
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Is this understanding of the Gospel what you were taught?

"The Misunderstood God" - review

Our emotional health is directly tied to our view of God.  Faulty assumptions about God will sabotage your heart.  For that reason, I highly recommend Darin Hufford's new book, The Misunderstood God - the lies religion tells us about God, because the book so ably exposes those harmful assumptions and invites the reader into a deeper freedom. 

The book also has staying power.  I found myself reflecting on key portions of the book long after I'd read it.  The chapter exposing the myth of  "The Angry God" reminded me that, "Love is not easily provoked."  And despite what we may have been told, the Holy Spirit is not easily wounded or offended.  Our God's heart remains supple and open without the fragile neurosis that plagues most of us.  We need him to be strong like that.

This book will help you get that heavy pack of religious assumptions and misunderstandings off your back, because you were never meant to carry that.

Here's a link to Darin Hufford's website.

Staying with the message of the new heart

Quite frankly, it's difficult to believe I have a good heart sometimes. The evidence against it seems too strong.

Lately, there's been almost an unseen pull downwards, a drain-circling suck towards hopeless futility.  That dark undertow almost got me to draw some fatal conclusions about my own heart.  That pull is towards shame:

I've blown it with my kids a lot lately;  not given myself to my wife as she needs.  I'm actually craving the goodness of Jesus and his choices, begging him to give me his own maturity.  (If you think holiness is hard, try out your favorite addiction or uncontrolled craving for a while.  That's harder to live with.)

In these moments, we have two choices:  fatalism or freedom:

• Fatalism says:  I am the sum of my failures.  My heart cannot be good -- just look at the evidence against it.
• Freedom says:  My heart is my hope.  I am a new creation (my heart is now supernaturally restored by Christ.)  Despite the external evidence, there is a new internal reality.  My failures are no longer the truest me.  (Even the apostle Paul says this - Romans 7:20)

• You can't go by your failures.
• You can't go by what others think of you.
  
  
• You may not even be able to go by what you've been told by church leaders in the past.

Stay with the truth:  your heart is good now.  Jesus made it so.
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To understand your new heart more, Recover Your Good Heart -- Living free from religious guilt and the shame of not good-enough unpacks what Scripture says about your new heart.

Or you can start with the FREE e-book I wrote:  click here.

TODAY - "THE MISUNDERSTOOD GOD" - interview with Darin Hufford

Darin Hufford, author of the upcoming book, THE MISUNDERSTOOD GOD - THE LIES RELIGION TELLS US ABOUT GOD, will join me on the podcast. The book will be published by Windblown Media -- publishers of THE SHACK. Darin is also the creator of The Free Believers Network that is helping church return to its natural habitat.

Episode airs on Monday, July 6th.  1 p.m. Eastern.  Podcast will be available for download following the 'live' episode.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE.

River rescue - how I almost drowned and what it taught me

Three years ago, I almost drowned.  I was rafting on a Class Five river when our raft hit a boulder and we were hurled out.  Our brief Rafting 101 talk we received back at base camp did nothing to prepare me for the shock of icy water, the panic of drowning, or the continuing slap of brown river water I was choking on. 

I tried to estimate whether I could swim laterally against the current to either bank.  Not a chance.  It was too far.   My guide and raft were too far up river to pull me out, the current having carried me too quickly away from our raft.  My only hope was another guide's raft about 50 yards ahead.  Would he see me?  I had no strength or ability to contribute to my hope of rescue.  The water was strong and fast.  I was powerless and in danger of drowning.   And as they say, the orange life jacket just makes it easier to find your dead body. 

Thankfully, the other boat saw me.  I don't know how the guy pulled my soaking, 6 feet- 2 inch, dead- weight body out of the water, but he did.

Later, while sorting through everything that happened God said, "Jim -- this wasn't about your failure to handle the situation.  It wasn't about your capacity at all.  It was about my ability to rescue you." 

This is the Gospel.  This is the ongoing nature of the Christian life -- Jesus' ability to 'save' us didn't simply cease after we said 'yes' to his offer to "save us from our sins."

We need the experience, not simply the idea or hope of being rescued.  Through these experiences of rescue, we gain a perspective that is more real and confident than the one we had on paper.  We can only gain that experience by taking the risks God is asking us to -- by placing ourselves in situations (again, when God counsels us to take the risk) where unless he rescues us, we're toast. 

Is there anything he's asking you to risk, so that you can experience more life?

A Kingdom of nobles

“For God is not merely mending, not simply restoring a status quo.
Redeemed humanity is to be something more glorious than unfallen humanity.”

– C.S. Lewis

As ironic as it is, Christians (those who participate in a Kingdom) have largely lost the concept of  nobility.

Perhaps the notion of nobility got lost when the the last knights and ladies of the Middle Ages died off. Or perhaps we've lost the idea of nobility because we've lost a part of the Gospel itself.  What I mean is this:  In our attempts to be 'authentic' to each other, the world and to God, we've not only recognized the depths of our sin, we've decided that our selves are synonymous with those foul places.

Yet Scripture has stated otherwise:

"But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart."
-- Luke 8:15

Something better now defines us:  something stronger, regal and resplendent.  This transformation wasn't a mere brushing-up, nor a tinkering with the old in order to improve it.  It was something wholly different:  a bestowing of a fundamentally different nature -- supernatural supplanting natural.

Does the idea of Christian nobility sound too prideful for us? Are we so used to living in the mud of false humility that we cannot receive the more substantial redemption he is offering?

In C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia, the children who become allies of the great Lion discover what they were meant for all along, as Aslan renames them in order to reveal their true natures:

And Aslan gave the children each a new name:

• Peter will be known now as, "King Peter the Magnificent."
• Susan will be called, "Queen Susan the Gentle."
• Edmund will be known as, "King Edmund the Just."
• Lucy will be called, "Queen Lucy the Valiant."

Whitney Young once said, "The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else. The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self." Through the strong rescue of Jesus, you are no longer this "former self" -- no matter how things appear to you. As C.S. Lewis reminds us,

“For God is not merely mending, not simply restoring a status quo. Redeemed humanity is to be something more glorious than unfallen humanity.”

That is to say, your new and noble glory surpasses the goodness and character of Adam and Eve -- before they fell.  Through his transforming rescue in you, our Lord has out-done himself again. 

For the sake of the Story

Since all the world is but a story,
it were well for thee to buy
the more enduring story rather than
the story that is less enduring.

(The Judgement of St. Columba of Scotland)

Here's another reason it's critical to get your heart back -- your good and noble heart: your contribution to the Grand Tale depends upon it. If you see yourself primarily as a mess -- a sinful and sorry creature whom God has to graciously tolerate -- you won't be offering your true self. And your true self is exactly what is needed.

You need the resources of your transformed heart to love well, live well, and fight well. Jesus has given you his own heart -- not a heart simply like his -- but his own heart. For the sake of the Story, take it. Nourish it. Live from it. Allow God's Spirit to awaken it.

Since this unfolding Story is about the God who is always up to something new, he will choose the new creation -- that is, your transformed heart -- as the means to advance his plot.

Without either knowing your heart is now good, or choosing it today and each day, you will remain disoriented and disconnected -- to both your grand and unveiled glory, and to the world's need for you to live from your restored and super-natural heart.  Allow this new super-natural goodness to radiate outwards, transforming you with the ever-increasing life and enticing goodness Jesus enjoyed.

The Story needs you. Not simply the forgiven you. But the unveiled you.

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s
glory, are being transformed into his likeness with
ever-increasing glory; which comes from the Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:18

Misguided "authenticity"

Here's a quote from a missional church leader I have a great deal of respect for.  However, notice his self-description:  Is it biblical?...meaning, is it a true and accurate description of his identity in Christ?

I consider myself as the most miserable of all human beings, covered with sores, foul, and guilty of all sorts of crimes committed against my King; moved by sincere remorse I confess all my sins to him.  I ask him pardon and abandon myself into his hands so he can do with me as he pleases.  Far from chastising me, this King, full of goodness and mercy, lovingly embraces me, seats me at his table, waits on me himself, gives me the keys to his treasures, and treats me in all things as his favorite; he converses with me and takes delight in my countless ways ....Although I beg him to fashion me according to his heart, I see myself still weaker and miserable, yet even more caressed by God.

There's certainly a lot of grace here, but little restoration.  (At least, not mentioned here.)  What kind of God would pardon a person, then refuse to change them at the most basic level (the level of the heart), so that they need not repeat those crimes; and in fact, no longer have it in their nature to do so?

In fact, God has already met this person's longing to "fashing me according to his heart"  ..."I will give you a new heart."  (Ezek. 36:26).  That new heart is pregnant with new life, new desires, and a new will.  How else would he be able to relate well, if not for a transformed heart?  Sure, it will take time to learn to live from that new and supernaturally good heart -- but that will come. 

I'm concerned with a brand of 'authenticity' and 'realness' out there that takes grace seriously ("You're forgiven and loved"), but is unaware of the gracious gift of a new and radically good heart.  These attempts at being real are noble and certainly well-intended, but have missed the core of the New Covenant promise of a new heart -- a heart on which the ways of God are now written.  Why do we keep rehearsing our mess?

We must be urged to make the shift from external and behavioral compliance to internal and supernaturally-capable desire to love and relate well.  Most Christians are unaware that that shift has already happened ...within their own hearts. The desire and the ability to relate well and love wholly are there.

Let's bring this good news back to the center of our teaching, preaching and relating.  Only then will we see more of the transformation we long for.  Let's stop rehearsing our shame, and begin indulging our new appetites -- the desires of Jesus now resident in our new hearts.
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Update on Monday, May 11, 2009 at 6:15PM by Jim Robbins

For those who are wondering...I do think authenticity and being real is a good thing. In fact, I think we need more of it in some cases. But the kind we need now is an authenticity that more accurately honors our new and noble nature. It is a realness that goes beyond forgiveness and explores the richness, splendor and supernatural desires of a new and good heart -- the one we received when we first trusted Christ.

• "True humility is not an abject, groveling, self-despising spirit--it is but a right estimate of ourselves as God sees us."--Tryon Edwards
• "The true way to be humble is not to stoop until you are smaller than yourself, but to stand at your real height against some higher nature that will show you what the real smallness of your greatness is."--Phillips Brooks

"...and please, try not to sin."

I've spent much of the last 43 years trying not to sin.

I think it's because I'm afraid.  There's been an uneasyness with sin because there's been an uneasyness with God:  "Am I really safe? Safe-enough to screw up?  Safe-enough to really blow it and remain highly-favored and in good standing with the Father?  Or will he be...disappointed?

The Church, in a wonderful journey of co-dependence, has helped me avoid sin and to fear it.  We've turned God into a behavior-modification therapist.  Most sermons are about getting people to avoid or discontinue sin.  Avoid the wrong thing, and try harder to do the right thing.  As a result, we've taught people that God is more interested in managing externals, rather than in nourishing, strengthening and encouraging a new internal reality -- the wholly new and good hearts we received when we became apprentices to Jesus.  No wonder we haven't seen the spiritual transformation we're looking for:  you can't get there from here.

Of course it is good not to yield to sin; but if that becomes the point, then most of our energies will be consumed by avoiding something, rather than living in something stronger and more life-giving.

Most parents are afraid of their children's sin and work really hard to manage their kids (think "control") so that they don't err.  As Danny Silk, author of Loving Our Kids on Purpose -- Making a Heart-to-Heart Connection indicates:  "What this reveals is that we are terrified by our children's poor choices.  We try to eliminate as many as possible."  As Silk points out, perhaps the way in which we handle our children is how we believe God handles us:  Be afraid of sin, because this isn't a safe place to fall.

But fear is never an appropriate method of transformation.  It may produce external conformity, but never inward maturity.  It certainly can't produce love itself.

I've also been enslaved to the notion that sin is more powerful than me.  As Silk indicates in Loving Our Kids On Purpose, "We still believe that sin is more powerful than we are.  When children grow up in an environment where their parents are scared of sin, they learn to fear failure."

This fear carries with it the assumption that what's exterior to me has more control over me than what is interior to me.  It's the mistaken idea that what is least true of me (I still have the capacitiy to sin, but no longer the nature to sin) is more true and powerful than an already-present and growing holiness -- a supernatural goodness -- now present within me.  That's the real me.  Ezekiel 36:26 ("I will give you a new heart and new spirit) has come to pass, in me, at the deepest level.

Fear can constrain behavior -- for a while; but it can never restore freedom.