Do I like the guy I'm following?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 10:10AM I was asking God today what he wanted for me this year - the focus or emphasis of the next 12 months. What came to mind unnerves me a bit: The desire that surfaced was,
"I want to know you more so that I can like you."
I wish I was farther ahead in my journey of more than four decades, that I didn't need to ask God to help me like him more. So often we Christians have been pressured to love him with all our hearts, minds, bodies and souls; yet fail to ask if we even like the guy we're following. Would I be drawn to him; find myself eager to get some face-time with him?
As I processed this with Jesus, I didn't feel any scorn or guilt from him. Rather, I felt understanding: "I know you want to like me more; but your mental image of me has been so colored by poor teaching and false assumptions. I'm not mad at you for this."
So I'm praying, "I want to like you Jesus. Let's strip away all imagery and conviction that has misrepresented your true heart."
Reader Comments (4)
I don't have the same sort of relationship with God as you do so if I did ask a question like that I'd never expect to get an answer back. It used be a right pain trying to explain this to others and I saw it as a deficiency but now I'm not so sure. It's just different. Okay, with that preamble out of the way I think I know a little of what you are expressing here. It is something I pray often that I can love God more and love others but here is the kicker, I don't actually try to include the idea of God being close by during my daily activities. It is like I'm comfortable with having a private space and the idea that God is hovering somewhere else. I play this stupid game of asking to love God more and yet at a deep level I'm positioning him elsewhere. I guess change is precipitated by self knowledge so perhaps this is the beginning towards a healthier and more mature relationship for both of us.
Hey Ian. I, too, am a guy that likes my privacy; but I'm also learning that I'm often uncomfortable receiving the very thing I'm asking for. For example, "I want to feel more loved" yet feel uncomfortable receiving it. So I ask God, "What's that all about? Is there a wound there? A block? A false assumption?"
God draws us, but doesn't manipulate or harass.
Okay, so that's an interesting thought. Instead of drawing back and heading for the hills it sounds like you are looking at those areas which cause stress or anxiety or are dysfunctional and decide to dive straight into the centre. What I've tended to do is to draw a boundary around difficult life issues, lock them away and throw away the key. The trouble is it is a bit like a puzzle in reverse. You start off with a reasonable handle on things as a child and over the years and because of being wounded there are more and more missing pieces.
Ian, it sure can feel that way. And it's not easy to look deeper -- but, one of the things that helps me is that the issue isn't always about 'sin' as many churches often want to suggest.
Sometimes, the issue is that God wants to heal something, to father us, get something cleared away so that we can experience more freedom and more life. He's always approaching us with more life.