Within the last month, I've lost a significant source of income, left a meaningful opportunity for using my gifts, and uprooted my family from a way of life we've known for over 40 years. My wife and I chose this because we knew God had more for us. However, I am now in an in-between state of apprehension and loss. I'm asking, "When will God bring about the community we long for? Will He restore my sense of purpose and the opportunity to once again use my gifts in a way that matters? Will he bring each member of my family the life we ache for?"
In my utter frustration with God, I've raged, sunk into depression, and had great difficulty hearing anything from Him. My heart itself felt sick: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Prov. 13:12)
God, however, has offered me some perspective. While still holding to a more complete fulfillment of my heart's desires, I've also begun to pray: "What are you giving me now? God, help me to better receive from you. Surprise me. What are the gifts You want to give this day?"
When hope seems distant, the assumption I too often make is that my desires simply aren't that important to God, particularly when hope faulters or circumstances aren't going well. It's too easy to allow trust to disintegrate into a posture of futility: "Why bother hoping? Why trust that my heart matters? Perhaps God really is the 'hard man' the parable of the talents speaks of."
A second, and equally poor assumption, is that God is not at work, or will only provide something in the remote future, if at all; and that any good gift is distant and tenuous. A better and more hopeful assumption is: "God, what do you have for me now? What do you long to give me this moment? Today?" This better assumption believes that God is always giving.
God is always giving.